I can not describe how i feel at the moment.
Never in my life have to felt this way before,
and i am speechless...
I really want to know why did he die?
How?
What happened?
.
I wish it was simpler :(
I know the moment i reach it will be of endless heartache to see everyone around me feeling so sad.
I have to be strong, and i will be strong.
Rest in peace grandpa.
I love you.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Maximum annoyance
I wonder what stupid creature has this powerful ability to sting or bite on innocent human being, causing straightline tunnel-looking HUGE rashes on the thigh.
They make me look retardedly stupid to walk out of my house in shorts.
And if i have the gut to actually touch them, some wonderful immune reaction will begin and leave me with itchiness i can barely stand.
I HATE YOU LOUSY CREATURE, although i've yet to know your identity :(
Thursday, March 25, 2010
I chatted with mum for a while and we talked about the video shoot im going to retake tomorrow.
She had no clue what video was i talking about until i told her oh yes its my graduation video.
And her reaction is : "I thought you're only halfway through and whats with all these graduation thingy as though you're graduating tomorrow."
And i dont know how to answer her question.
I suppose she is partly correct, i've come to believe that im graduating from uni with all these pictures and messages and videos oh no but i still have quite a long way to go before i can finally get my BDS cert.
*Sadness*
Anyway i have to retake both the group and individual videos.
I hope it works this time.
She had no clue what video was i talking about until i told her oh yes its my graduation video.
And her reaction is : "I thought you're only halfway through and whats with all these graduation thingy as though you're graduating tomorrow."
And i dont know how to answer her question.
I suppose she is partly correct, i've come to believe that im graduating from uni with all these pictures and messages and videos oh no but i still have quite a long way to go before i can finally get my BDS cert.
*Sadness*
Anyway i have to retake both the group and individual videos.
I hope it works this time.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Balls are crap! Yes they are!
I hate balls, as in proms?
Of any sort.
You know why? Cos :
Just when you finally found a dress you think "oh its not too bad" and you bought it since it is meant to be, you realise everyone around you might be wearing dresses of different style and length, then, you start to think "oh maybe this dress is not such a good choice anyway".
Just when you finally bought the dress and decided "No im not thinking anymore im sooooo going to wear this for the ball and no more dress-shopping, you realise you do not have the perfect fairytale cinderella-looking heels to match that dress of yours, then, you start to freak out and say "Im so going to shop for shoe tomorrow, no maybe now!!".
Urgh. But this is not all.
Just when you finally settled your dress and your heels, you realise all your handbags are massively oversized for a proper ball, then, you'll think "Perhaps i just need a nice elegant clutch for the night, yes i do deserve it!"
Just when you are done with all these 3 items for good, you realise the accesorries you have might not be appropriate, or plainly outdated, then, you'll think "Oh no im a loser!" until someone comes to help, if at all.
And
And
And
Just when you're all set with practically EVERYTHING, you realise you need someone who is capable of makeup-ing and hair styling to make you look like a princess, at least for the night, or else the ball will be incomplete and irrelevant.
Now you know why.
Of any sort.
You know why? Cos :
Just when you finally found a dress you think "oh its not too bad" and you bought it since it is meant to be, you realise everyone around you might be wearing dresses of different style and length, then, you start to think "oh maybe this dress is not such a good choice anyway".
Just when you finally bought the dress and decided "No im not thinking anymore im sooooo going to wear this for the ball and no more dress-shopping, you realise you do not have the perfect fairytale cinderella-looking heels to match that dress of yours, then, you start to freak out and say "Im so going to shop for shoe tomorrow, no maybe now!!".
Urgh. But this is not all.
Just when you finally settled your dress and your heels, you realise all your handbags are massively oversized for a proper ball, then, you'll think "Perhaps i just need a nice elegant clutch for the night, yes i do deserve it!"
Just when you are done with all these 3 items for good, you realise the accesorries you have might not be appropriate, or plainly outdated, then, you'll think "Oh no im a loser!" until someone comes to help, if at all.
And
And
And
Just when you're all set with practically EVERYTHING, you realise you need someone who is capable of makeup-ing and hair styling to make you look like a princess, at least for the night, or else the ball will be incomplete and irrelevant.
Now you know why.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Of blindness and ignorance
I wonder what have i become?
Since when did all these changes take place?
Why do i let these changes occur?
What is the purpose of these changes?
And the ultimate consequences.
It is only until now when i finally realise i've completely lost myself.
And this has got to stop.
Of all the sacrifices and thoughts,
I dont think it is going anywhere, at all...
:(
Since when did all these changes take place?
Why do i let these changes occur?
What is the purpose of these changes?
And the ultimate consequences.
It is only until now when i finally realise i've completely lost myself.
And this has got to stop.
Of all the sacrifices and thoughts,
I dont think it is going anywhere, at all...
:(
Monday, March 15, 2010
Did you see the spider web on my blog?
I did anyway.
So Sem5 started like more than 2 months back and i forgot how it feels like to study everyday. I do not know how many lectures i have been, how many lecture notes i am suppose to have, how many topics i should read up on. I seriously do not sound like an undergrad in medical school. I sound more like a royalty coming to this weird uni to burn my time away.
Yes.
AIMLESS is the word.
Totally.
And now that i realise the way i lead my current life is so so not right and just when i finally decided i really should be reading more, i am now officially unmotivated. Plus my brain is empty. And this is not cool.
Oh and i dont want to even go home because everytime i go home my family will assume i've been working so hard and so stressed up they want me to just relax and chill at home. The truth is i've been chilling all these while and am sick of it at the moment :(
Right, we shall skip this topic i'll think about it later before i sleep.
So! The SPMs result been released a few days ago, and it is kind of interesting now that they have the A+/A/A- system. Eventhough it seems harder but still thousands of people got straight A+, i wonder how can people actually get 90 and above for subjects like Bahasa Malaysia and Chinese. And two sisters of two friends who went to the same school and probably the same class and are equally(I assume) smart, turns out their results were soooo much different! One got straight As and the other only half of what the other got. Sigh. Weird things happen all the time.
Can barely type anymore, guess my eyes are giving out signal suggesting i should probably go sleep now.
Good night world.
So Sem5 started like more than 2 months back and i forgot how it feels like to study everyday. I do not know how many lectures i have been, how many lecture notes i am suppose to have, how many topics i should read up on. I seriously do not sound like an undergrad in medical school. I sound more like a royalty coming to this weird uni to burn my time away.
Yes.
AIMLESS is the word.
Totally.
And now that i realise the way i lead my current life is so so not right and just when i finally decided i really should be reading more, i am now officially unmotivated. Plus my brain is empty. And this is not cool.
Oh and i dont want to even go home because everytime i go home my family will assume i've been working so hard and so stressed up they want me to just relax and chill at home. The truth is i've been chilling all these while and am sick of it at the moment :(
Right, we shall skip this topic i'll think about it later before i sleep.
So! The SPMs result been released a few days ago, and it is kind of interesting now that they have the A+/A/A- system. Eventhough it seems harder but still thousands of people got straight A+, i wonder how can people actually get 90 and above for subjects like Bahasa Malaysia and Chinese. And two sisters of two friends who went to the same school and probably the same class and are equally(I assume) smart, turns out their results were soooo much different! One got straight As and the other only half of what the other got. Sigh. Weird things happen all the time.
Can barely type anymore, guess my eyes are giving out signal suggesting i should probably go sleep now.
Good night world.
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